Make My Life a Prayer to You

Make my life a prayer to You,

I want to do what you want me to,

No empty words and no white lies,

No token prayers, no compromise,

I want to shine the light you gave,

Through Your Son, you sent to save us,

From ourselves and our despair,

It comforts me to know you're really there.

---

Oh, I want to thank you now, for being patient with me,

Oh, it's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me,

I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what you say,

Oh, you're coming again, coming to take me away,

---

I want to die, and let you give,

Your life to me, so I might live,

And share the hope you gave to me,

The love that set me free,

I want to tell the world out there,

You're not some fable or fairy tail,

That I made up inside my head,

You're God, The Son, you've risen from the dead.

---

Oh, I want to thank you now,

For being patient with me,

Oh, it's so hard to see,

When my eyes are on me,

I guess I'll have to trust,

and just believe what you say,

Oh, you're coming again,

Coming to take me away.

---

I want to die, and let you give,

Your life to me, so I might give,

And share the hope you gave to me,

I want to share the love that set me free.

(-keith green, μετα χαριτος τῳ ὕψιστῳ)

heidi

good conduct with wisdom's gentleness

pure ✓
peace-loving ✓
gentle ✓
compliant ✓

full of mercy
and good fruits.

[starting with "a love so pure" then my lesson about peace then "thank you for being gentle..." then compliant for sure, we've now come to mercy and good fruit.
have mercy on me when i'm "taking for granted...all of [your] smiles..."
but yes, careful now, let us not scorch what He is trying to produce in and through us, good fruit.

and as much as i desire it, i can't sing take care to you.
and as much as i relate to it, i can't complete the second verse of you love to sing.
and are you singing welcome home??

i am content to sit, searching, silent under the moon we love.
monopolize all of my time.]

Painted Eyes

Oh LORD, as the fool that i am

i blame You for the plight i’m in

her personality of honor

and beautiful character

drawing me, awing me

yet all this i might be able to pass

the meek, the modest. the genuine,

can be found now and again

but LORD, You formed her―

how did You paint them??

her eyes??

how did You light them??

what can’t they see, for

they’re all i can.

she says they’re on You,

which is where they should be,

and i’m glad.

but, when she turns them on me

i shiver, and marvel.

from my point of view, and

for the sakes of young men

behind me,

consider easing up on the

depth when You color the

eyes of Your daughters

for me―too late―

i’m H.E.L.D.

This is Telling

Because He loves us
we have freewill.
Because we are not perfect
we have fallen.
Because of our fallen freewill
we have sinned.
Because of our sin
He sent Jesus Christ.
Because of Jesus Christ
He loves us.


He loves us enough to warn us of the drug dealer up the street.
(more telling)
He loves us enough to let us walk up to the drug dealer if we so choose.
(most telling)
He loves us enough to take us back bruised and broken and humbled.

when will i ever learn. and when will i ever see. be my light, Lord.

ponderings during greek

for some change comes fast
rushing quickly past
no chance to absorb
not sensing emotion
but lumped in one sum.

overload unwelcome

for us change comes smooth
a slowly deep’ning groove
a chance to process
each moment be special,
amazing, and full.

"i thought she said it was needlepoint"

it didn’t take me long
not long to realize what i wanted
longer yes to see how hard to live without
but ever since the hurricane
i’ve known i need yellowish orange umbrella.
for life, to live.
so when the storm clouds gather
i laugh
and hold yellowish orange umbrella closer
i love yellowish orange umbrella.

the sun and the moon

[you deserve more
than copypasted a song
for time to write
for you i long
but i praise your understanding
and i accept your grace

the days amaze me.
the nights infinitely more.
how can He be so gentle with us
why allow our futile feeble efforts to succeed??
God knows (and He really does) how many times
i've crossed the line because of selfish blinders
allowed and attached just to gain a foothold in your heart.
i cry out again and again because i sense His tender hand.
it rebukes me more than harsh reality-checks
when He quietly reminds me of my First Love.

Lord, continue to form me to be like You,
she says my face reminds her so much of Yours
so show me how to see her, and show me how to love.
You.
then her.
not me.]



Wasted time.
I can not say that I was ready for this.
But, when worlds collide,
And all that I have is all that I want.
The words seem to flow
And the thoughts they keep running.
And all that I have is yours.
All that I am is yours.
Ohh...

Painted skies.
I've seen so many that cannot compare,
To your ocean eyes.
The pictures you took
That cover your room,
And it was just like the sun
But more like the moon.
A light that can reach it all.
So now I'm branded for taking the fall.
Ohh...
So when you say forever,
Can't you see you've already captured me.

what _____ said

"love is watching someone die.
so who's gonna watch you die?"

john 15.

i am understood

Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to You
to hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
this version of myself I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

and sometimes I'm so thankful for Your loyalty
Your love regardless of the mistakes I make will spoil me
my confidence is in a sense, a gift You've given me
and i'm satisfied to realize You're all I'll ever need

You looked into my life and never stopped
and You're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and You recite my words right back to me
before I even speak
You let me know, i am understood

and sometimes I spend my time just trying to escape
I work so hard, so desperately, in an attempt to create space
cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see Your love, then turn my back, and beg for You to go

You looked into my life and never stopped
and You're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and You recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
You let me know, I am understood

You're the only one who understands completely
You're the Only One who knows me yet still loves completely

and sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words
if I think of something worthy, I know that it's already Yours
and through the times I've faded and You've outlined me again
You've just patiently waited to bring me back and then

You looked into my life and never stopped
and You're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and You recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
You let me know, I am understood

the noise has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation
Your voice has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation

COMMUNicate

from quiet to quietude
from stillness to still
in the hush and muted muffles
i can read you.

the vocal strain
strains understanding
words are taxing
and no one wants that.

talks have their place
and we’ll place them there
but can you grasp this
the reason that i smile:

sometimes i forget to say
and end up with debts to pay
misunderstood silence
is expensive.

the truth is nothing
i want the truth
“bye-bye” rituals
are fun (and games.)

they say waste of time
but can we sit sublime
yes, under the stars
but also under standing.

i’d like you to know
that i’m more than content
to sit, walk but not talk
to stand, lay but not say.

commune without the -cate

(i push myself and you do too
to end it well, to keep it cool
but speech can be so poor
such a sad way to interact.
happy yet to watch you think
warming still to see you . )

joy in the air

the dandelions are out
tiny yellow suns and
white globes like the moon.
the distractions are in
though they pull and push me
i'll be with you soon.

the seeds fly so far away
and where will they land??
to fly so far away
to a distant land
make a flower from these weeds.



Lord, search my heart,
create in me something clean.
Dandelions
you see flowers in these weeds.

Gently lifting hands to heaven,
softened by the sweetest hush,
a Father sings over his children,
loving them so very much.
More than words could warrant,
deeper than the darkest blue,
more than sacrifice could merit,
Lord, I give my heart to you.

He has made His light shine upon us

(to me) and (for me) and the like
always there and always tentative
like we want to tell the truth
but never know how much to give.

interrupt?? no. your help, motivation
and reinterpretation of beth moore
prod me onward, yes, to closer communion
because of His heart, my face to the floor.

you understand Him, and look deep into me
and by allowing Him to be molding your will
i feel it’s the only way i’ve been able to be
hopeful beyond the muck and the mire.

(more than you can take?? because of the times i’ve crossed the line, because of ways i’ve treated you fine, but with motives ALLso selfish and synthetic sublime. i’m sorry. sorry for allowing myself to exploit your desire to be loved. you love to be needed. i love to fulfill. but look at me...you found me out, i want you to see more but it’s His to reveal.)

body dragging, mind slipping to sleep
but my heart pounds with words
which you hold, does it leap??

as my eyes droop and slowly reopen
more than ever they long to see you
more than that to see you in my future
the next chapter and again after that
every page, in each footnote, till
at last the book closes. and
there in the silence

God flips back to the front
and says to those younger,
“Once more, from the top,
I’ll show you their patience,
watch closely and learn.
Mistakes? yes but with trust
the love I’d planned out
was enabled by submission.
You too, you two,
trust in love,
submit to patience,
My ways are higher,
My thoughts are greater,
respect me. Creator.”

once again in the silence
as i hear you cry and watch you die (?for me?)
i wonder how i die for you.
how i lay down my life for you.
because Christ died for me. (for you. for us. for all.)
because He first loved us.
that’s how i can love, to God and then others.
greater love has no one…
?for me?
...but i’m confused
and that’s why it’s killing you to wait on me.
and that’s why He’s allowing you to wait on me.

my su??estion (to Him): provide a living example to walk by my side, You’re power, provision, perfection (oh inDEED!!) to remind me and for witness when i’m down in despair. because You are always there. (for her. and for me.) I AM never changes. but please provide precious proof of Lamentations 3:20-26. Hosanna.

lullabye

for lack of a song from my OWN heart:


Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye
-golden slumbers, from abbey road

You stand on the right side of us.
You stand there, and moments of weakness pass.
It's foreign to think of collapse.
Now on course, we'll drown out our cries with lullabyes
-don’t think of collapse, from bitter hand resign

excuse me, miss, are you in my wicker basket??

snip. snip.
and oh! up and up!!
thank you for cutting,
and thank You for lifting,
but are you with me??
is she with Us here??
i've got my primer
and she her recorder.

but, oi, my depth perception
is she inside the basket
or simply staying close??

how rude to turn my back
if she's right here with us.
but how stupid to reach out
and likely fall to my death
if she's just sailing nearby.

she's so respect-ful/ing
and patient and
but that makes it hard to tell

too much to ask Lord
for the release of a little more propane??
if i'm still looking into deep eyes
then she's still on the level
but if rather...she gets even shorter
who's to argue with Your perfect plan.


"i love You Lord and i lift my voice to honor You oh my soul rejoice take joy my King in what You hear may it be a sweet sweet sound in Your ears."

who am i

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are













I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

thanks aaron but...

I could leave you well enough alone
Believe and you'll be overcome and gone
By grace away
Better off than if I stayed

I could leave you walk away
We'll save it for another day
Through all the wars I've come to know
Its punch is pulled, and our time was grown in

When they come knocking on your heart's door
Choose the one who loves you more
And when you've found something to die for
(Make you face all your fears)
They'll be knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
When they come knocking on your heart's door
(Make you face all your fears)
Choose the one who loves you more

Precious, because you are,
please choose the One who loves you more.
Precious, to Him as well,
thank you, for choosing the One who loves you more.
(because you do, i'm still coming to love you more)