you long for understanding

8-21-09

you long for understanding

the rain falls around her
when you are without her
it dampens your soul.

she's right, you think she's it
you know she's completely legit
her confessions of deception
only confirm the truth.

you see she is choked by lies
they make her shift and scared.
but these are not her lies.

instead you are the one
causing misunderstanding.
instead you are the one
who is misunderstood.
but you are the one
who let's her think you are good.

the blue of the rain
and the brown of the earth.
you pick up old filth
that had been washed away.

she sees you through the droplets
as someone of innocence.
she leans on you in the darkness
as someone who has sense.

and when her tender arms pull you close
and when her face is buried in your chest
it feels real. and you are.

but that understanding that comes
is merely a taste of who you should be.
what she sees in you is a shadow,
a shadow of what He made you.

for she misunderstands what erodes you
the hook in your nose that controls you.
that which drowns your soul and frowns your smile.

you long for understanding
so you'll know her shifting
you long for understanding
so she'll find what she's missing.

you. you're missing.
so find yourself in the Lord.
go find the integral you.
you said it, so allow it, since
you long for understanding.

growing beauty complexity

(written 4-27-09)
Heidi and I are physically closer than i'd ever thought possible way back in the day. she is amazing. but Korea is looming more than ever. more than ever i just want to be with her and i know that that is precisely what i WON'T be able to do for a freakin 14 months. :( but in the long run i feel like it will be a good thing. as impossibly difficult as it will be at first and probably to the day she comes home. i wan t
(written 6-1-09)
my love sitting next to me so genuine and real
soon to be genuinely far far away.
you make my day. everyday. can you
do that from Seoul?
i want so much more -- maybe it's good you
are gone. make me appreciate what i had.
make me grateful for what i'm to be given
whether "good" or "bad" since He tells me
what those are anyway.
but as for you -- i just want to be w/ you forever please. thanks.
-----
you rest your forehead
on my collarbone
like listening to my throat.
i have my hand on your
side, it is warm.
the breath i slowly
inhale
is full of layers of
you.
flooding the memories
like no words can
and i know that this
too is a moment
-- in time -- in
space -- precious
and enviable; for
soon i shall not hear
your voice, the
weakening laughter
soon, the lingering
tingle of your hand
on my face will
fade
yet. an increasing
assurance of your
love, albeit no tickling
or cuddling transpires
shall convince me that
we are meant to be
_______1._________

but she

a hard rock to one, to another -- beauty.
with so many faces it catches all light
pretty from all sides all angles to sell.
but it still feels like a rock regardless the duty.
and inside, no sun to shine forth with might
producing nothing at all. not even a smell.
but she. she hugs my nose like a warm flower
she has a Light inside her that glows
she feels like the ocean, like Aphrodite
she too is so pretty from all sides, dangerous power
she catches it, reflects it, walks in it, requires no pose
some say a diamond, but to me, she is beauty.