silence.
yes oxymoronically deafening
but as the sun slips behind the trees
i will not cry until morning
but life my head to His Northern Lights
for guidance. and to the moon--for there,
i'll be seeing you.
even in the--
and in defiance of the--
silence.
(and the ripples widen and shrink)
(as we stand on the brink)
silence.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
phantasmagorical
i almost broke down
you might have teared up
as i read what i wrote
and you eyed the two moons
such white and pale glowing grey
yet "surreal" it surely was
the important part was that it happened
though the remedy didn't fix everything
at least it wasn't in french
nor was it in spanish
and gmail did not get the glory, nay, privilege
of bearing such words.
but simply the air around our proximate faces.
blessed surely it was.
(facebook merely gets the clean-up)
you might have teared up
as i read what i wrote
and you eyed the two moons
such white and pale glowing grey
yet "surreal" it surely was
the important part was that it happened
though the remedy didn't fix everything
at least it wasn't in french
nor was it in spanish
and gmail did not get the glory, nay, privilege
of bearing such words.
but simply the air around our proximate faces.
blessed surely it was.
(facebook merely gets the clean-up)
my conclusion
[written: march 31, 2008
it's like i'm trying to fit in all these posts before i leave...]
i’ve got it figured
and here is how it goes:
the pain, the shame, the awkward, the questions.
the vain, the game, the wonder, the stallings.
every time i try to say it, something else comes up.
or every time i want to talk, the time has come to hang it up.
when i walk you to your door, or when you come up to my truck
my mind starts churning behind my talk.
“yes, no, maybe so, head out fast, take it slow.”
i’m at a loss and it’s because,
“When she leaves, I wish she were back, I want to say more.”
and also it seems to me,
“a goodbye that was meant
is one that was hatred.
for who says GOODbye
when you love that someone.
for who SAYS goodbye
when you love that someone.”
butbutbutbutbutbutbutbut>>>
love is what?? and love is kind.
love, joy, peace, what??, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
(no help from Steve needed)
butthenagain>>>
you looked so lonely retracing through the mist and i felt so lousy racing through the rain.
childish, oh so childish, “just a touch, just a hand”
why oh LORD, can’t i be childlike??
did judas steal it all at once?? did eve give in to satan’s first argument??
my point is greed!! “just a…” leads to who knows where, but we all know just right where and shudder and thank the LORD for care.
so right. and back to my conclusion.
this is how it’s figured, or, at least in my head:
such an issue, this “goodbye,” these “farewells,” that “sleep tight…”
that i propose that we never, not once ever, say goodnight
but stay up talking (oh the line, where did you go??)
forever solve the problem of ending conversations by
never ending conversations.
never-ending convos sound like joy.
it's like i'm trying to fit in all these posts before i leave...]
i’ve got it figured
and here is how it goes:
the pain, the shame, the awkward, the questions.
the vain, the game, the wonder, the stallings.
every time i try to say it, something else comes up.
or every time i want to talk, the time has come to hang it up.
when i walk you to your door, or when you come up to my truck
my mind starts churning behind my talk.
“yes, no, maybe so, head out fast, take it slow.”
i’m at a loss and it’s because,
“When she leaves, I wish she were back, I want to say more.”
and also it seems to me,
“a goodbye that was meant
is one that was hatred.
for who says GOODbye
when you love that someone.
for who SAYS goodbye
when you love that someone.”
butbutbutbutbutbutbutbut>>>
love is what?? and love is kind.
love, joy, peace, what??, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
(no help from Steve needed)
butthenagain>>>
you looked so lonely retracing through the mist and i felt so lousy racing through the rain.
childish, oh so childish, “just a touch, just a hand”
why oh LORD, can’t i be childlike??
did judas steal it all at once?? did eve give in to satan’s first argument??
my point is greed!! “just a…” leads to who knows where, but we all know just right where and shudder and thank the LORD for care.
so right. and back to my conclusion.
this is how it’s figured, or, at least in my head:
such an issue, this “goodbye,” these “farewells,” that “sleep tight…”
that i propose that we never, not once ever, say goodnight
but stay up talking (oh the line, where did you go??)
forever solve the problem of ending conversations by
never ending conversations.
never-ending convos sound like joy.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
oh, Canada (part ??)
this summer LORD Jesus:
because i can’t see her―i want to see You
because i can’t talk to her―i want to speak with Thee
because she won’t be able to hold me―i want to be held by You
because i won’t be able to be needed by her―i want to see where i’m needed by Thee
because i can’t see her―i want to see You
because i can’t talk to her―i want to speak with Thee
because she won’t be able to hold me―i want to be held by You
because i won’t be able to be needed by her―i want to see where i’m needed by Thee
Saturday, May 10, 2008
careless or carefree
it’s been a while since last i poemized
since now i can speak words to your face
but now, it’s the eve of summer
and you’re away the weekend
i’m worried for you
attempting not to be for us
i see it. for sure. time and one more time.
we’re in the palm of His hands
>
as i got to know your brother
i felt like i could know you better.
as i watched you drive off, at 49 mph
i prayed and pondered “how long??”
>
what will it be this summer:
will i see the sweet smile??
will i sense the smooth skin??
then it must be your eyes, soft, and so deep
sort of. the surface seems so susceptible
my mind attacks and spins fairytales.
but the reality lies buried beneath
His truth and steadfastness remain
even in lack of your beauty (i know you are gorgeous)
yes, in lack of your wit (you know you are funny)
and in spite of my longing
yes, despite our impatience
i wonder rhetorically:
how could God NOT use something so EXTRAORDINARILY GRAND to do something more amazing yet??
who are we to dictate what, when or how exactly that will be??
<>
can i just mention
that i don’t understand
(concept out of grasp)
that you are gonna miss me.
even just saying it sounds
foreign to me.
like i’m making it up.
but you claim that it’s true.
i know it’s for me.
it’s almost as if your careless smile is singlehandedly reassuring me of your love.
your careless smile reminds me how carefree i can be.
since now i can speak words to your face
but now, it’s the eve of summer
and you’re away the weekend
i’m worried for you
attempting not to be for us
i see it. for sure. time and one more time.
we’re in the palm of His hands
>
as i got to know your brother
i felt like i could know you better.
as i watched you drive off, at 49 mph
i prayed and pondered “how long??”
>
what will it be this summer:
will i see the sweet smile??
will i sense the smooth skin??
then it must be your eyes, soft, and so deep
sort of. the surface seems so susceptible
my mind attacks and spins fairytales.
but the reality lies buried beneath
His truth and steadfastness remain
even in lack of your beauty (i know you are gorgeous)
yes, in lack of your wit (you know you are funny)
and in spite of my longing
yes, despite our impatience
i wonder rhetorically:
how could God NOT use something so EXTRAORDINARILY GRAND to do something more amazing yet??
who are we to dictate what, when or how exactly that will be??
<>
can i just mention
that i don’t understand
(concept out of grasp)
that you are gonna miss me.
even just saying it sounds
foreign to me.
like i’m making it up.
but you claim that it’s true.
i know it’s for me.
it’s almost as if your careless smile is singlehandedly reassuring me of your love.
your careless smile reminds me how carefree i can be.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
more precious
ט
(Teth - Psalm 119:65-72)
Do good to Your servant
according to Your Word, O LORD.
teach me knowledge and good judgment,
for i believe in Your Commands.
Before i was afflicted I went astray,
but now i obey Your Word.
You are good, and what You do is good;
teach me Your Decrees.
Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies,
i keep Your Precepts with all my heart.
Their hearts are callous and unfeeling,
but i delight in Your Law.
It was good for me to be afflicted
so that i might learn Your decrees.
The Law from Your mouth is more precious to me
than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
(see also 165-168)
(Teth - Psalm 119:65-72)
Do good to Your servant
according to Your Word, O LORD.
teach me knowledge and good judgment,
for i believe in Your Commands.
Before i was afflicted I went astray,
but now i obey Your Word.
You are good, and what You do is good;
teach me Your Decrees.
Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies,
i keep Your Precepts with all my heart.
Their hearts are callous and unfeeling,
but i delight in Your Law.
It was good for me to be afflicted
so that i might learn Your decrees.
The Law from Your mouth is more precious to me
than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
(see also 165-168)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
can you see the sun rising
but heidi.
these are the things. the very things that this summer we shant be able to do.
argue about bedtimes and homework and lying and who's love is stronger.
but heidi.
these are the feelings. the very feelings that this summer i can't entertain.
the weightless joy ricocheting all inside my body and downward glances to see you smile.
but heidi.
these are the demands. the very demands on our love we're required to keep.
i see a seedpod. i played with it for a while, not knowing it's potential, then this then that and it now has far outgrown it's shell. will it fit back inside until the month of our birthdays?? let's survive on the hope of glorious new growth. in other areas and then, this then that and God WILL PROVIDE.
i see a ship in a bottle. i played with the model. and now it's being stuck into a bottle, very narrow neck, please don't break, stand up right. then one day (and it makes me laugh: this image of Jesus as the skipper with a radically hip derby cap) we shall sail the seven seas and write messages in bottles to those still stuck on the shore or worse in their bottles.
"bring me that horizon"
these are the things. the very things that this summer we shant be able to do.
argue about bedtimes and homework and lying and who's love is stronger.
but heidi.
these are the feelings. the very feelings that this summer i can't entertain.
the weightless joy ricocheting all inside my body and downward glances to see you smile.
but heidi.
these are the demands. the very demands on our love we're required to keep.
i see a seedpod. i played with it for a while, not knowing it's potential, then this then that and it now has far outgrown it's shell. will it fit back inside until the month of our birthdays?? let's survive on the hope of glorious new growth. in other areas and then, this then that and God WILL PROVIDE.
i see a ship in a bottle. i played with the model. and now it's being stuck into a bottle, very narrow neck, please don't break, stand up right. then one day (and it makes me laugh: this image of Jesus as the skipper with a radically hip derby cap) we shall sail the seven seas and write messages in bottles to those still stuck on the shore or worse in their bottles.
"bring me that horizon"
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