yet i felt i should let you hang up...

...and i wanted to ask more to ask why to ask about homework and hannah.
...and i wanted to say more than thank you more than shoombala-ta
...and i wanted to tell you that you're an active part you're more than you know not more than enough but enough for you to know that He's forming me.
...and i wanted to tell you i love you.
(think of the implications of that--seems like quite a few. but now think of the implications that He Loves you. now THOSE are some serious implications. and much more impactful on your life.)

i don't know why He is so good to me. it sets me on my knees to see that He's allowed His daughter to be with me. it lays me on my face to see that He's sent His Son to die for me. if i'm thankful for you, i should never stop shouting of His greatness in sending Christ.

thank You for this Love, Lord
thank You for the nail-pierced hands
washed me in Your cleansing flow, now all i know
is Your forgiveness and embrace

(a maskil of ethan)
i will sing of the Lord's great love forever
with my mouth i will make Your faithfulness known through all generations.
i will declare that Your love stands forever
that You established Your faithfulness in heaven itself.

to hold your hand

makes sense if i’m the one
but if things fall through
and if you go on to another
i don’t want my hand to be your baggage
leaving him with only most of you.

frustrating how i want to leave a lasting impression on you,
but only if you’re to be mine forever.
otherwise you must forget me.

the only way love will last is to give everything away
but the timing is impossibly crucial
inestimably elusive.
leaving me with a girl on my mind
but a weight on my heart.
so unsure
-for to love her may not be loving
-but leaving doesn’t seem that loving
-rather love is to lay down my life
-leading me to believe i must be in her life
-for how can i lay it down if i’m not

so as i struggle with extending my love to the right extent
i’d like you to know i love you extensively, intensively

because i do have reservations
about somany things
but not about you.

it’s you i love but how far can i go
it’s you i love but how much do i show
it’s you i love but what path do i live
it’s you i love but what life can i give
it’s you i love but should i know
it’s you i love but should it grow

pretty much just like to fast-forward―see how things turn out
then come back to enjoy the whole process or preempt the pain

love―the greater potential for joy brings more possibility for pain
but if love didn’t contain pain, how would we recognize it??
.

downhere [self-titled] 2001

it's larger than life, it's larger than we
it's bigger than you, it's bigger than me
it's larger than life

there's something here that tells me so
i was not made to walk alone
it sharpens me to know we stand as one

will our lives reflect the Maker
of the sky we're living under
it changes all to know You're really there
when the space between us falls apart
You're the bridge that spans our hearts

Because i'll never hold the picture
of the whole horizon in my view
because i'll never rip the night in two
at makes me wonder
who am i, who am i, who am i
and great are You

teach me, Lord to have faith
in what You're bringing me will
change my life and bring You glory

"Do you have an arm like God, can you thunder with a voice like His?"
-God
"I know that Thou canst do all things, and that no purpose of Thine can be thwarted."
-Job/Brad

what if God had appeared to Mrs. Noah and told her to build the ark. would Noah have helped her?

Lord help me be the one You're making me,
Lord help me see the one You're making me

it is more mine than it is san andreas'

LightZone:
it is just coming to You.
it is praying before
...and after
it is relying on You first.
...and on You last.
so the outcome is:
i am closer to You
even if my prayers were not answered,
Your purposes were fulfilled.

Personal:
and after talking to her
i do not know how to work it out
it is almost as if
i give up fixing the little things
because You still have the biggies.
i struggle to make the effort
when all i can see is her buying a ticket.
when all i can hear is her repeating new vocab.
when all i can touch is her half-torn out heart.
when all i can taste is her love of tai food.
when all i can smell is her fading perfume.
when all i can think is her.
when all i can think is her.

HLouise:
so maybe it is the same.
is it just coming to You
is it praying before
...and after
is it relying on You first
...and on You last
will the outcome be:
i am closer to You??
but You seem so far away.
please answer my prayers,
but fulfill first Your purposes.

subject and matter

I cower ‘neath the monster trees
And try to stand on tired feet
But gravity knocks me to the ground
Where I give up, and tears roll down
I claw the dust and beg the end
Curse the day that I began
to hope there’d be a place where I belong


If you're a rose
Then I'm the thorn
That's in your side

And does it hurt badly
'Cause it burns right here

I'd like to say hello
I'd like to say I care
I'd like to let you know
That nothing here's the same with me
Nothing here's the same

The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

I never know their names, But i smile just the same
New faces...Strange places, Most everything i see, Becomes a blur to me
And i'm wasted because, The fast pace is too much
Here at the final push to the sum
If my old life is done, Then, what have i become? What have i become?

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That You will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
If I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
But if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

[jeremiah's lament: hope of relief in God's mercy]

(repeat)

So if you're lonely
You know I'm here waiting for you

one year ago

[written september 2007]

I wish I could feed you a few of my thoughts.
I wish you could know a few things I think
without knowing I knew that you knew what you knew.
Then you would see that though I’m suppressing,
I love you, you’re gorgeous, all inside and out
I want to know fully all, both inside and out

but after the glimpse I snap back to normal
and then I’d off-handedly mention your hair
I’d stumble and stutter, most plainly embarrassed
then looking straight at you I’d sheepishly ask,
“Heidi...you wouldn’t...what I’m trying to say...”
bamm, without question you’re all up in my arms
and we’re hugging and laughing and wiping our eyes.

i can’t wait for the day i can speak what i feel
i will tell you you’re precious whenever i want
i long to just hold you the times you are down
i don’t want to waste all my chances to care