it's a beatles song too, ok??

what makes me think that it will all be better if i'm with you
on top of that, what problems are solved by holding you
physical presence and physical touch - what will they fix.
granted - p.p. will remedy some communication issues and constitutes "genuine"
but p.t. just whets emotions, cues them up for deflation.
precious, things are still going well, i just need reminders.
because this week life's problems seemed so large and the answer seemed so easy.
the gratifying answer just deepens my lesson of trusting Him.
since p.t. is just one more thing offered in place of surrender to God.
and no-go on my minds attempt at rationalization:
"but the hand you'd be holding would be accredited with the CMA!!"

PSALM 63 (v.5 esp)

please ask me what's ironic about this post

so i don’t understand this
i should and i don’t but here goes…
it was approx 3 HOURS this morning.
i heard him speak, i listened to them question,
i spoke of application and we prayed for fulfillment.
...and then. then and…
i felt her discouragement
the anxiety spilled over
and as i stooped, looking foolish trying to contain the runaway emotions,
i shook my head at all those words,
LORD Jesus my deeds!! Your TRUTH. You’re Truth.
what is Your truth Your example.
You knew the GC was the biggest task the disciples has (would ever) face
and we still are intimidated by it today.
so what did You say, how did You encourage, bear our burden??
“And surely, I am with You always, even to the end of the age.”
so i reassure her of that. never to leave or forsake. never changing, still the same yesterday today and forever. from everlasting to everlasting. from in the beginning to Amen.

(but may i add my two cents, my hollow solace in a world i can’t control, my fading flashlight in the noonday sun, my broken match as she stands by a bonfire―
“hlouise, i’m here. not always, and always imperfectly, but i’m here. i hesitate because of confusing conflicting priorities that i assign in your life but i desire to help to love. my greatest duty to intercede before the King, Jehovah Jireh. But finitely, i know God has me here. you are human built with needs, for a face and a smile, to laugh at/with, to look cheesy for pictures with, to cook cheesy potatoes for, and so i am here. and here we are.
so do you trust me
for a while now you’ve allowed me to carry your stuff
i’m ready for other baggage.
please. your lappy’s too heavy.”)
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oh Almighty, only You know how much work You still have left to do in me. i am scared. but You are scarred. for me. remind me not to ignore that.

it would be the worst shoombalata of all time

what would it feel like??
well i don’t know. but maybe…
-the moving men had been carrying a piano and had gone up the stairs and were just about to fit it through the door and they dropped it. all into 3 million pieces. not to be rebuilt.
-a nicely prepared salad with the best caesar dressing all tossed-up and ready. then someone comes by and rewashes the lettuce. rinses off all the dressing. to “clean” the salad. not to be remade.
-two turtles off-shore swimming, enjoying the ocean, when BAMM!! a wave comes crashing in, sending them spinning and disoriented. gasping for breath. lost with sand in mouth. not to reunite.
-the train had been hooked up and going on just great―picking up speed and really getting somewhere. then the hitch mechanism broke and the cars got separated. one left behind. not to rejoin.

~~~<{written after that evening in the field}>~~~

i realize that this won’t all be perfectly rosy
i even do yes realize that you won’t be ALL perfectly rosy
(for, to quote fsmith, if i see you only through rose-colored glasses everything will be rosy, leaving nothing really rosy)
so you won’t always be rosy―that’s expected and accepted.
i’m willing to get beat up―a little battered and bruised―
for us for you―a bit black and blue so you can keep your glow

and it’s not only because of your revealed beauty that i overlook your neglect to inquire of my thoughts.
and it’s not only because of your concealed beauty that i complimented you thought i knew you’d scoff.
it is because i cannot stop praising God for each ridiculous detail He engraved into you.

does la grange really mean the barn??

it's simple. and yet i'll never really understand it.
it's true every minute, but sometimes i forget completely.
it has caused me to forget my name at times
and at time it will make me wish it's not true.
but all in all, after all - - - i love you.

[and though perhaps unconsciously before
i noticed it forizzle for once
i felt love for you and it didn't spring from you looks or your laugh or your words or your ways, nothing--
my emotions didn't spark the thought--
this time it was reversed:
i knew i loved you and that brought the feelings
and only the dumb seatbelt stopped a heel click from ahappnin.]

clay in His hands

as i get to know you
and learn how to know you
i think of your dancing eyes―you say for me; the spark―from me.
i think of your dancing heart―i know it’s for them; the spark―from Him.
and yet―is it too much to ask:
may i fan your passion for them
may He fan your peace about me
and yes, we’ve only just grasped at the fringes and outskirts
as we strive to reveal His hear to others we see more ourselves.
how vast and how wide

How could it NOT take a Perfect God:
to use a broken boy to touch a broken brother or encourage a striving sister??
to use a broken sister to convict a sinful brother or beg on her sister’s behalf??
to save a broken world using broken children
to break the strong with weak and wounded
to stymie the wise with “losers” and “fools”

He gives grace to the humble…
and it is by grace (through faith) that we are saved
not of ourselves, lest anyone should be proud
...but opposes the proud.

"leave a candle on the porch"

sounds like a coin (has flip sides)
looks like a die (it has many flip sides)

but it acts/feels like a cloud, i can walk through it and not feel it, i can ignore or fret and affect it not.

yet calm pervades.

though a patron saint of lost causes, You are the King of lost causes.
You give us worth and You, the First Cause, cause all things, cause us to exist, to exist for a cause, Your cause.

mud from my eyes God, i want to see You.
blood from my veins God, i want to feel You.

and i don't understand Your love.
and i don't demonstrate Your love.
and i don't deserve Your/her love.